Some people have the shortest freakin’ fuses! I swear! I mean he gets upset, then 20mins later is over it, then gets upset and again is over it in 20 mins. I mean…I just don’t downshift that fast. how do you deal with people that constantly are ready to erupt? it is so frustrating!
I have been fortunate that as of lately my husband is no longer deploying. I have watched a friend send her husband off for a year, and I am grateful for his service, and her sacrifice, but I am also glad that at this moment it isn’t me.
I have another friend whose husband will be leaving soon. They have never been through a deployment together. She used to be in the military like me, and has been deployed, but her husband is one of the very few that have made it almost his entire career without ever deploying. He is in the Army now, which is much different than an Air Force deployment. I feel for them, I really do. The reason I am glad my husband isn’t going anywhere is because of what deploying did to him.
You will never get back the man you sent over there. Remember that. They will be different, they will have seen things that no one should see. But you promised to love them for better, for worse, in sickness and health. Remember that.
So anyway back to my friend. Her husband is doing the ‘lets be really mean and hateful and push you away because I am scared of losing you’ thing. And she is buying into it…I even think she is doing the ‘lets push you away so I don’t get hurt’ thing. It happens. People think that this is how they will survive a year. You won’t survive though, not this way.
My advice: Love him/her unconditionally. You can’t understand how they are feeling about being gone, away from their life. How they will change because of this war. How much they will miss because they chose the flag over family. You chose them knowing that, or you stayed with them after they chose this life. You made that choice when they made that choice. I told my husband it would be grounds for annulment if he decided to switch to the Army, and I meant it. So we all have made choices.
Next: Know that you are not alone. You are not the only one being left behind. You are not the only one managing a household, or becoming an instant single parent. There are others like you. We all know what it feels like, it overwhelms you. It put me into a depression. You will get through it, and you will be so strong when you do. You are not alone. Our spouses may not understand what we go through when they leave us, and they may seem ungrateful or that it is insignificant but it isn’t. It is our burden to carry. It is immense, and when you get through it, it is gratifying. It is a little gold star we award ourselves with.
There are stereotypes, of military members and deployments, just know that if you are their rock, they will come home to you. Just be there, and love them, and pray, and remember they will come home. It may not be the person that left, but they are a person that still loves you, and you will learn to love the “new” version of them. I know, because I have.